I guess I feel like Pinky and the Brain lately. “Are you pondering what I’m pondering?” I sometimes do not think that anyone thinks about the stuff that I think about. I have written before that 2003 was a rough year. 2004 isn’t shaping up either at this point. I have just recently found out that my wife may have Crohn’s Disease. I have had my own personal struggles recently too. I pretty much crashed Tuesday night, no will to fight any more. It’s been very hard to cope with life.
There have been many moments when I have had to look at God and simply say “Why?” But, of course, I am given no more answers than I ever have been. I have sought solace into people that have thought like I do now. One of the lyrics to a song that I really have connected with says, “Lost sight of the irony of twisted faith, lost sight of my soul and its void…” “Twisted faith” is two words that I found connecting a lot lately. I find that a lot of people have faith for the wrong reasons and in the wrong thing. I’m very tired of people trying to twist faith into something that it is not. It is so made me think this morning that I found myself typing it into a search engine on the internet. I have found myself with a great deal of doubts lately, wondering what the point even is. I have found that my love for theology has warped my sense of being and to put it in the simplest of terms…I do not want to fight anymore. As I browsed through the different things that that search brought up, I thought about if maybe I had somehow misrepresented God, like maybe the God that I am serving is not the true representation of God. Maybe God wasn’t what I thought. Maybe I had misread Scripture or not seen something in the Word that showed God to be. I thought about all the attributes of God: His holiness, His faithfulness, His omniscience. Maybe God wasn’t what I thought He was.
I was told that I had a phone call so I got up from my desk and walked to the back to take the call. It was my wife. She said, “I was just praying for you and I felt that God wanted me to tell you something very simple. And that is simply this. ‘God is faithful.’” To say that I was quite stunned would be an understatement. I thanked my wife, told her I loved her and hung up the phone. If God is faithful, he can only be faithful if he is holy. And He can only be holy if He is a supernatural being “that which nothing greater can be conceived” (Thank you, Anselm). That would imply his omniscience. God really is faithful.