I posted this this morning in Noah's Mark:

A few months ago, I made the painful decision to turn over Noah’s Mark to Danny, a member who expressed interest in moderating the group. At the time, I was fighting some very big issues. My wife was recently diagnosed with colitis, which is a disease similar to Crohn’s Disease. It is an internal bowel disorder. In layman’s terms, my wife has ulcers that line the inside of her colon. At this time, there is no cure for this disease.
In addition to this, I was battling my own demons. For at least five years, I have struggled off and on with depression. I have tried several medications, one which worked very well, so well that I felt that I could live without it. I went back to it a few months later and it was not as effective as it once was. Reluctantly, I agreed to see a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me as clinically depressed. I knew that this had to be a chemical thing, and my doctor believed the same thing. Despite all the stress in my life, there were times when life was going great, but I was still depressed. The doctor prescribed some other medications for me that seemed to have lifted the fog.
If you have ever struggled with depression, you know the hell that it is. If you haven’t, the only way that I can think of to describe it is being in the bottom of a well. As you look up, you can see people walk by the well. You can even interact with them to a certain extent. But you can’t get out of the well. You try to do things that you enjoy, but the reality is, you are still in that well. The medication has helped lift me out the well. I am now doing much better.
As many of you did, I received the email from Danny that he was going to delete the group. I immediately emailed him back and told him that I would be willing to take the group back if we would be willing to give it back to me. This morning, I received and email that he had again made me owner of the group. I spent a great deal of time yesterday brainstorming about how I could make this group better. A change that will take place immediately is that this club will no longer be about debate. No one who comes to this group seems to want to debate this issue, so we are going back to a purpose which is closer to the original purpose when this group was called “The Other Side of Broken.” I have modified the email that new members receive to reflect this purpose and I will repost that on the site, so you can see the changes.
I am next going to go through an extensive process of defining in more detail the purpose and mission of this group and posting that in the group. I am going to make an effort to make this group more grounded. I would like to start a local small group in the downriver area of metro Detroit for people with these issues. I’ll tell you more about that later.
I would like to personally thank Danny for his willingness to step up and take care of things while I dealt with my issues. My wife’s disease is in remission, but please keep her in your prayers. I would also like to thank the members that have faithfully stuck around during these turbulent times of change. Please continue to hang in there and I will attempt to faithfully lead this group to deeper waters.

Noah’s Mark…I’m back!

Sincerely,

Dave McDowell, Owner

If you click on the link on the left side of the blog that says "Noah's Mark," it will take you to the home page. There is also a link to join the group at the top of the blog. I will also be creating a separate blog to couple with the website.

Thanks,

Dave M.

Somebody sent this to me and I thought it was great.

I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George
Carlin. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not
some mid-level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican! I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way.
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a
smart American. I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything. I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English. I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July. I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing
the bill to put your pansy butt through 4 years plus of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened. I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to. My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer. I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it. I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my butt off and paying, paying, paying? I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already. I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one? I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry butt if you're running from them. I also think they have the right to pull your butt over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are. I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it
takes two parents. And what is going on with gas prices... again? If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

The God of Chocolate

What you are about to read is not fiction. It is an actual story of a Unitarian Universalist worship service. If you are not familiar with who universalists are, they are a “church”, and I use that term loosely, that accepts people of all faiths, your basic all roads lead to Rome church. They deny absolute truth which is in itself and absurdity. Think about it. The statement “There is no absolute truth” is a self-defeating statement. If there is no absolute truth, then that statement cannot even be verified. The group that I got the following from cautions people that when we begin the slippery slope of compromise in our churches, we can end up like these intellectual nuts. Now, while I doubt that most churches would go as far as the following, I do recognize that moral erosion has been creeping into the church as a whole for decades. Let’s hope that the church can turn that around before we resort to worshipping chocolate. You probably laughed or at least chuckled at what I just wrote, but that is exactly what happened in this UU service. Consider the following…

Author: Christine Susalski
Published on: July 27, 1999
Related Subject(s): Not Indexed

This past Sunday was a busy one for our CUUPS group. CUUPS stands for
Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans, and our group is a
relatively new one in the church. One Sunday a month, and various
times during the year when our minister is either unavailable or on
vacation, the Sunday services are led by church members. Our CUUPS
group offered to do a service, and so it was.

Recorded music was played as people were seated. Someone in the
church donated a tape of CUUPS chants and drummings, and this was
what we used. Then the opening words, and Lesley read a short guided
meditation from the hymnal.

==Fragile and Rooted==

See a blossom in your mind's eye. Allow it to fill the interior of
your imagination.

Greater perfection of form in nature cannot be imagined. With inward
gaze absorb each wondrous fluted petal.

Slide down its humid surface until you drop as the dew into its
velvety core.

Immerse your senses in this safe chamber.

Such fragile beauty gives impulse to weep.

Slowly reverse the journey; as you ascend the shaft toward wider
light, turn your imagination around and around to see its many
facets. Stored within is the memory of all flowers.

Marvel that this creation, while utterly fragile - yet undaunted,
boldly buds forth turning resolutely toward the sun.

We, too, shimmer with expectation, exuding our own illumination,
color, pulse, and scent.

Vulnerable, still we venture our lives courageously toward hope and
light, at once fragile and rooted.

- Carolyn S. Owen-Towle

After the "Welcome & Introductions" part of the service, Lesley asked
Raymond to light the chalice and everyone joined in reading the words:

This chalice is a symbol of our community;
No single belief includes us here,
No disbelief excludes us.
It is our heritage of freedom,
The unending search for truth,
And a promise to respect one another,
That binds us together.


A sharing of joys and concerns was next. I love this part of the
service. "There are always joys and concerns that go unspoken, but
shape our togetherness. Let us also remember those who are not here
this morning, but are with us in community."

We then stood, and as lively as we could, sang (by the way, all songs
and readings listed are from the UU Hymnal, Singing the Living
Tradition ) O God of Stars and Sunlight.

==O God of Stars and Sunlight==

O God of stars and sunlight,
whose wind lifts up a bird,
in marching wave and leaf fall
we hear thy patient word.
The color of thy seasons
goes gold across the land:
by green upon the treetops
we know thy moving hand.

O god of cloud and mountain,
whose rain on rock is art,
thy plan and care and meaning
renew the head and heart.
Thy word and color spoken,
thy summer noons and showers -
by these and by thy dayshine,
we know thy world is ours.

O God of root and shading
of boughs above our head,
we breathe in thy long breathing,
our spirt spirited.
We walk beneath thy blessing,
thy seasons, and thy way,
O God of stars and sunlight,
O God of night and day.

- Words by John Holmes, 1904-1962
- Music: Johann Christian Storl's Wurtembergb Gesangbuch, 1710


Michelle wrote the sermon, A View of Paganism, Ritual, and CUUPS. Her
husband Clint read it. We wanted the congregation to have an idea of
what paganism is, and what CUUPS is, and also present our ideas about
ritual. This led to a question and answer time, and although we were
worried that no one would have any questions, it went very well.

Then a song for the Goddess, "Joy, Thou Goddess."

Joy, thou goddess, fair immortal, offspring of Elysium, mad with
rapture, to the portal of thy holy fane we come! Fashion's laws,
indeed, may sever, but thy magic joins again, humankind is one
forever 'neath thy mild and gentle reign.

Joy, in nature's wide dominion, mightiest cause of all is found;
and 'tis joy that moves the pinion, when the wheel of time goes
round; from the bud she lures the flower, suns from out their orbs of
light; distant spheres obey her power, far beyond all mortal sight.

Words: Friedrick Schiller, 1759-1805
Music: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827 (Hymn to Joy)


Tanya wrote a wonderful story about the "The Myth of the Origin of
Chocolate" and she read that. Then, as the drumming started up, the
four directions entered, carrying their treats.

North: Turn with me now to face the sacred direction of the North.
From the North we invite the healing, nurturing bounty of the element
of Earth. We welcome dark, rich chocolate to our circle of
bittersweet delight. (The treat was a basketful of Hershey's dark
chocolate nuggets candy.)

East: Turn with me now to face the sacred direction of the East. From
the East we invite the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom of the
element of Air. We welcome soft, creamy chocolate to our circle of
luscious delight. (Chocolate mousse pie)

South: Turn with me now to face the sacred direction of the South.
From the South we invite the courage, creativity, and inspiration of
the element of fire. We welcome warm, liquid chocolate to our circle
of sensual delight. (Chocolate fondue - we'd already placed cubed
angel food cake and strawberries on the "altar.")

West: Turn with me now to face the sacred direction of the West. From
the West we invite the emotion, intuition, and cleansing of the
element of Water. We welcome cool, milky chocolate to our circle of
smooth delight. (Hershey's Kisses)

Invocation (read by the entire congregation):
Ye Gods of Chocolate and
Goddesses of sweet desire
With your succulence you woo us.
Our lust not sated,
We yearn for you evermore.


At this point, the congregation came forward to the altar to take and
partake of chocolate, and also to leave their offerings of money.
Then, the closing words:

Thank you all for sharing in this special time. Whether it is making
coffee in the morning, a mass in a grand cathedral, or calling down a
special blessing on our favorite foods, ritual has always been and
will continue to be an important part of human life. It allows us to
set aside daily cares and create a sacred space. In this space we can
more easily focus on the uniqueness and the wonder not only of our
actions, but of ourselves. This is the true gift of ritual, honoring
the Divine within.

Our final reading, a prayer by Starhawk, also speaks to that Divinity.

Earth mother, star mother, You who are called by a thousand names,
May all remember we are cells in your body and dance together. You
are the grain and the loaf that sustains us each day, And as you are
patient with our struggles to learn So shall we be patient with
ourselves and each other. We are radiant light and sacred dark - the
balance - You are the embrace that heartens And the freedom beyond
fear. Within you we are born, we grow, live, and die - You bring us
around the circle to rebirth, Within us you dance Forever.

- Starhawk

The chalice was extinguished as we sang -
Carry the Flame
of Peace and Love
Until we meet again. (twice)


Announcements followed, and then some of us met afterwards for lunch.
I started out a bit nervous, but was SO GLAD to see my friend, Jake
at church! Having his support meant a lot to me. Everything went
really well, and people seemed to enjoy it. In the wonderful UU way,
I felt as if I were an important part of a great, diverse family.

Mmmmmm…makes me wonder if the Peanut-Butter god was jealous.

My Autobiography
Part Nineteen--Conclusion

I often tell people that there are challenges to being a reformed charismatic. Recently, somebody posed to me the question, “Why is it so important for your next church to be reformed?” At the time, I did not have a really good answer. But after some thought, I now know why. I’m not so concerned with it being reformed. I’m concerned with my church being about truth. I believe that the reformed position of Scripture is the closest to the correct position. I believe it is truth. With that being said, I am also charismatic. I not only affirm that all spiritual gifts are for today, I celebrate it. I also believe this to be truth. But there are many denominations out there that do not believe what I believe. Can I come to an agreement with, for instance, a Wesleyan brother? Absolutely. But would I pick a Wesleyan church? No. I want a church where I am free to be who I am, believe what I believe (within parameters) and be challenged to grow. If that means that I have to compromise some on some of the nonessentials then so be it. Like I said, my biggest concern is that I leave church being challenged and encouraged.
I look forward to the future with anticipation, prayer, and a raised eyebrow. I sometimes have to labor to suppress the cynic in me and let God be God. But I’m anxious to see what God does and how He will use me.

Update: 4-15-04--That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. The good news is that we have now found a church home. We attend Metro South Church in Flat Rock, Michigan. It is nondenominational, contemporary and very relevent. Quite honestly, it is unlike any church I've ever seen. It's link is on the left side of my blog. I still look forward to the future. I should be graduating in December with my degree and I'm in the process of looking for seminaries. Thanks for reading, ya'll. I will now return to only a post every couple of days. Love, Peace, and a pot of neck bones.

Dave M.

My Autobiography
Part Eighteen--The Times They Are A' Changin'

Shortly after this, I began to pray for an opportunity to exercise the gift of teaching that I was given and very soon after that, God answered my prayer. One of the leaders of our youth group was interested in learning more about theology and I agreed to teach him.
In November 2002, in order to help out my in-laws, Kandice and I moved into their unsold house to housesit. It was in the small village of Waltz, in the city of New Boston, which is about an hour from Sterling Heights. We were still committed to going to our church though and made plans when the house sold to move back into that area.
But God had other plans. In a letter that I sent to Pastor Aaron, I then explain what happened:
When I entered into the meeting times with Brad, my intentions, as I told Brad and you, were not to indoctrinate him. I wanted to teach him each school of thought, tell him what our church believed, and let him decide for himself. I wanted Brad to think for himself. In retrospect, I’m not sure if this was such a great idea, but it was how I approached it. I found a really good concise confession of faith that was not near as long as the Westminster, but still covered quite a bit. I decided that I would compare this reformed confession to the Sixteen Fundamental Truths of the Assemblies of God. I could point out the differences, point out where I felt each confession needed clarification, and work off of both scripts. Because of the shortness of the Fundamental Truths, we tended to work mostly out the Belgic Confession. We talked mostly about the essentials like the Trinity, the Deity of Christ, definition of atonement, etc. When we finally reached the point of talking about Calvinism and Arminianism, I was careful not to share with him my beliefs but to present both schools of thought and was also careful to note that the Assemblies of God fall more to the middle of the road in this argument, according to their website which I checked out to be sure that I presented the argument correctly. When he asked me what I believed on the subject, I told him that I did believe in eternal security but was also quick to point out that even though I believed that, it was not what our church believed. Brad was also smart enough to recognize that there is a school of thought that goes with eternal security and asked me my opinion on that. I told him that I lined up with most of the points of Calvinism, but again stressed that this was not what our church believed and that he needed to study the Scriptures more and to stay in much prayer. It was never my intention to sway him one way or the other. I pointed out to him the flaws in the Calvinist argument as well as the Arminian argument and I did my best to make sure that he understood where our church stood on this issue as opposed to where I stood.

Unfortunately, when Pastor Aaron discovered my beliefs, he was less than happy. My wife and I volunteered to step down from our youth sponsor positions. Three weeks later, after a time of prayer and seeking the Lord, we also decided to resign our church membership. This entered a very dark time for my wife and I spiritually. Since January of 2003, we have been without a church home. In July, we purchased a mobile home in Carleton, Michigan, about 5 miles south of the still unsold house that has now been on the market for almost two years. By the grace of God, we are still doing well, but we crave the fellowship of a local church. I am now a senior at Tyndale and hope to be finished with my Bachelor’s degree by next fall. Ironically, my wife is employed at Trott & Trott, P.C. as a foreclosure specialist.

My Autobiography
Part Seventeen--Marriage

On April 27, 2002, Kandice and I were married at Freedom Christian Assembly of God in Sterling Heights, Michigan. Freedom Christian was the new name of Warren Assembly of God after they moved onto new property and into a new building in Sterling Heights, Michigan. We spent a great honeymoon week in Chicago. After we were married, our roles in the youth department changed. We became much more active since we did not have to worry about wedding plans. We had also moved into an apartment in Madison Heights, Michigan. I also took this semester off from school for the wedding.

My Autobiography
Part Sixteen--Hard Times

My last day at National City Bank was September 6, 2001 and began what was to be a temporary job at Trott & Trott law firm on September 10th. On September 11, 2001, my second day on my new temporary job, the horrible events of that day shook not only myself, but our entire country. Shortly after that, my job ended and I spent almost the next year unemployed. Kandice’s Dad lost his job toward the end of 2001 and they made the decision to move back to Canton, Ohio, where they were originally from. Kandice moved in with a friend from church until we were married.

Hey if you guys want some fun, go to the left side of my blog and click the link that says "waffles." I won't tell you what you'll get, but I think you'll get a chuckle.

My Autobiography
Part Fifteen--The Proposal

In August 2000, I abruptly left Franklin Covey and I began a new job working as a Branch Sales and Service Representative for National City Bank in Bingham Farms, Michigan in October. I remained a Tyndale student throughout all of this time. Around the beginning of 2001, I began to feel led of the Lord that Kandice would be the one that I would marry. I began to make plans for the proposal. I continued to grow in the Lord at my church. In July 2001, Kandice and I took a trip to Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina together. As we sat on the shore early one afternoon, I began to play hangman in the sand. After spelling out two or three relatively trivial things, I finally spelled out, “Will You Marry Me?” in the sand. She had every letter but the r’s when she realized what it said and began to cry. I got on one knee and proposed to the love of my life. And, thank the Lord, she said yes.
Kandice and I felt that we should “plug in” and find a place to minister within our church. We landed in the youth department as youth workers and we absolutely loved it. We began to develop relationships with the youth and to grow with them. Often times, they were more of an encouragement to me as I was to them.

My Autobiography
Part Fourteen--New Beginnings

Also in the fall of that year, I began to feel led to pursue friendships with other women. Since I was much older than most people in the dorm and in my single’s group at church, I decided a much different route, the Internet. I placed an ad on Yahoo in detail what I was looking for. I was only looking for friendship, nothing more. A young lady responded to my ad whose name was Kandice. We began to email back and forth and soon talked on the phone. A month or so after that, we agreed to meet for lunch. I drove down to Lincoln Park, where she worked, and we had lunch at Big Apple Bagels. We admitted later that the reason we agreed for a lunch meeting was that if we didn’t like each other, we only had to spend an hour together. Well, we liked each other. After only a few short times together, I began to really fall for her. I talked much about my past and my struggles and she always responded with, “I’ll pray for you.”
At the end of the fall semester of 1999, I decided to leave the dorm. A friend of mine that I had class with, Tim Wilson, was graduating and getting married and mentioned that his parents house had a basement which may be for rent. It was located in Berkley. I went to check it out and agreed just before Christmas that I would move in upon my return from the holidays. Imagine my surprise when Kandice showed up at the door with everything from a bathmat to towels and washcloths for my new home!
I also began to look for a new job that would pay more money. I eventually decided to cut back on school to part-time and work full-time. I accepted a position as Assistant Manager at Franklin Covey at Briarwood Mall in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Because of my move, driving to Highland was just too far to go to church. I began to attend Warren Assembly of God in Warren, Michigan. Initially, the Arminian stance of Scripture bothered me, but I loved the teaching of the pastor. He spoke mostly of “kingdom issues” and the focus of most of his teaching was making the Christian life relevant for today. I attended for a year before I became a member at the beginning of 2001.

My Autobiography
Part Thirteen--Theological Dilemnas

In the fall, I began a theological journey that forever changed me. I had attending a Pentecostal Baptist church in Highland, Michigan for about six months minus the month I spent in North Carolina. I was staunchly against “charismata” because I believed that those gifts had ceased at the end of the apostolic age, a doctrine known as cessationism. But when I began to examine the Scriptures, I found the evidence for this doctrine flimsy at best. I finally made an appointment with my pastor and asked him, “Should I be seeking the gift of speaking in tongues?”
“No,” he said, “You should be seeking the baptism of the Holy Spirit.” It just so happened that that was a Wednesday and he was speaking that night on this very same subject. I showed up and went forward during the invitation. I was taken into a separate room and the pastor layed hands on me and prayed. I opened my mouth and spoke for the first time in tongues. All the way back to the dorm, for about half an hour, I exercised this newfound gift in praise to the Lord. I have since moved away from the position that there is a second baptism in the Holy Spirit. Rather, I still affirm that all the gifts are just as valid today as they were in the first century and that God grants those as He chooses.
Not long after that, I also settled another theological dilemma. I realized that I was a four-point Arminian believing only in eternal security. After searching the Scriptures, I worked my way back inductively, to embrace four out of five points of Calvinism. Eventually, I embraced all five. So I found myself in the awkward position of being reformed and charismatic.

My Autobiography
Part Twelve--Healing and Forgiveness

Right before I left, I attended a service at Mt. Hope Church in Lansing. The pastor drew an analogy of buying a Corvette and driving it with flat tires. “Pretty soon, those tires are going to come off and tear up my car,” the pastor said. “You cannot continue to live your life holding on to hurts because sooner of later, the will tear your life up.” It definitely gave me something to think about. Just a month or so before, I had been accused of stealing at my job. The reason was because a friend of mine that had helped me get the job was fired for giving unauthorized discounts. He had told them that I did the same thing, which was not true. I was carrying around a lot of anger toward him and toward Amanda. When I got back to the apartment that day, I was flipping through the TV and I happened to catch a program by Charles Stanley, pastor of First Baptist Church in Atlanta, Georgia. He was preaching on the same thing! Even more interesting was that I had never got this channel in before and when I did this time, I could only get the audio, not the video, but I listened. Before the sermon was over, I was lying prostrate on the floor crying out to God that he forgive me of my sin and give me the strength to forgive others. There was a book suggested by Charles Stanley called The Source of My Strength. It was all about forgiveness. The next week was spent sitting on the beach reading about the forgiveness of God and soaking up more discipleship from Dan. What a fantastic week! I returned to Tyndale in the fall very refreshed from a wonderful summer in the Lord. I got a job working as a waiter at Jonathan B. Pub.

My Autobiography
Part Eleven--Amanda

School started with a bang and the first semester went pretty smooth. I made some great friends and had a blast in the dorm. Toward the end of the semester, I accepted a new job with a retail shoe store called Track ‘N Trail. I also got a call from the past. When I first moved to Michigan in 1995, I dated a girl named Amanda. To make a long story short, Amanda and I just did not work out. We had reunited again at Steve’s wedding. I admitted, even to her, that I still had a thing for her. Toward the end of the semester, I got a call from her. She was in town and was bored and wanted to know if we could meet for coffee. I was bored, too, but excited about seeing her so I agreed. We shared some joe and had some good conversation. A couple of weeks later, she called me and was wondering what I was doing for New Year’s. I had no plans and did not have to work. She asked if she could me dinner at her place in Grand Rapids. She was still a student at Calvin College and lived with several girls in a large house. I agreed.

After an exquisite meal, we sat down and she said that she had something that she wanted to talk to me about. She told me that she had been thinking and praying about some things and she had felt led to ask me if I wanted to date her. I was a little shocked and I said something like, “Well, I don’t really feel comfortable enough right now to be your boyfriend, but I would agree to take you out.”
“I don’t think you understand. I’m not looking to merely go out. I have decided to date only with the intent purposes of finding someone to marry. I will not just date you, if we are together, we will date exclusively.”
Needless to say, I was pretty shocked, but after thinking about a short time. I agreed. It did not take long to realize that I was head over heels for her, but only after two months we showed signs of not getting along. “But I’m in love,” I thought. “It’ll work out.” It didn’t. When Amanda broke up with me for good in March, I was devastated and close to burnout. For the summer, I agreed to stay at a friend’s apartment in Lansing for a couple of months until I returned to school for summer classes. But when summer classes started, I found out that I could not take classes because of my financial aid limitations. I called my parents in North Carolina and asked if I return home for only a month or so, until the fall classes started. I immediately called Dan and he invited me to spend a week with him in Long Beach, North Carolina. He had rented a beach house for the whole week. When I explained to him that I couldn’t afford it. He agreed to pay for everything. I was shocked, but I took him on it.

My Eschatology

Here it is in all it's glory. The long-awaited paper. Keep in mind that the rule regarding usage of first person was suspended for this paper because it is my own personal views.

David G. McDowell
Professor Dan Lewis
Eschatology/Angelology
April 13, 2004

My Eschatology

When a person takes it upon himself to write about his eschatology, it can be a very challenging endeavor. What is written in this paper has not come about by anything less than a serious study of Scripture and a great deal of time. I can honestly say, this has probably been the most difficult paper I have ever had to write in my college career because so much of my theology has shifted very dramatically in the past five years. For all who read this, friends and family (as well as my professor) that may be offended or taken back by my beliefs, I can only be true to what I believe the Scripture says and continually ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. I hope you will understand that this paper is a product of that study.
I became a Christian on October 25, 1994, in the gravel pit parking lot at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. As I began to grow spiritually, one doctrine that I firmly held was the doctrine of eternal security. I just did not see from Scripture how a person could lose their salvation. However, I began to notice that the rest of my theology was inconsistent. I began a long study of Scripture that really has never ended. I began with the doctrine of eternal security (which I later called “perseverance of the saints” which I believed was a more accurate term) and I moved backward to become what has been called a five-point Calvinist.
My struggle from that point began to be with dispensationalism. I realized that dispensationalism was rather incompatible with Calvinism. I also observed that dispensationalism relied very heavily on eschatology. If one accepts dispensationalism, one accepts a very literal view of Scripture and comes to certain inevitable conclusions about matters of eschatology. In other words, how one approaches the interpretation of the Bible as a whole greatly effects the outcome of one’s interpretations of specific passages.
Dispensationalism accepts a very literal view of Scripture. According to one website, “…this means that dispensationalists interpret scripture as normally as possible. If the language is plainly figurative, such as Isa. 40:13, it is interpreted figuratively. But if the language is not figurative, it is interpreted to mean just what it says.”1 Another website says this: “Dispensational theology grows out of a consistent use of the hermeneutical principle of normal, plain, or literal interpretation. This principle does not exclude the use of figures of speech, but insists that behind every figure is a literal meaning. Applying this hermeneutical principle leads dispensationalism to distinguish God's program for Israel from his program for the church. Thus the church did not begin in the OT but on the day of Pentecost, and the church is not presently fulfilling promises made to Israel in the OT that have not yet been fulfilled.”2 In other words, the promises made to Israel cannot be claimed for the church today. It divides history into a series of dispensations where God reveals new revelation. These dispensations follow in chronological order: Innocence, Conscience, Human Government, Promise, Law, Grace (Church Age), and Kingdom. However, dispensationalists do disagree on the number of dispensations and the name for each one.
The mechanism that provides the evidence for this view is found in the doctrine of progressive revelation. Rogma International’s website says, “A dispensationalist contends that the Bible is not an exposition of a complete revelation but the story of a complete revelation progressively unfolding.”3 A dispensationalist would see each dispensation as a certain amount of time that God chose to reveal himself in a certain way. C.I. Scofield, whose reference Bible popularized dispensationalism in the United States, defines a dispensation as …”a period of time during which man is tested in respect of obedience to some specific revelation of the will of God.”4
Covenant theology does not accept such a literal view of Scripture. Webster’s defines “covenant” as “1 : a usually formal, solemn, and binding agreement : 2 a : a written agreement or promise usually under seal between two or more parties especially for the performance of some action b : the common-law action to recover damages for breach of such a contract.”5 Based on the immutability of God, it sees history as through one covenant, the Covenant of Grace. This overriding covenant is derived from several other covenants (or sub-covenants to the Covenant of Grace). Just as dispensationalists disagree on the number of dispensations, covenant theologians sometimes disagree on the number of covenants. These covenants include the Edenic Covenant (Genesis 2:15-17), Adamic Covenant (Genesis 3:14-19), the Abrahamic Covenant (Genesis 12:1-3), the Noahic Covenant (Genesis 9), the Mosaic Covenant (Genesis 17:1-27), the Davidic Covenant (2 Samuel 7), and finally the New Covenant. Each covenant builds upon the preceding one culminating with the New Covenant fully realized in the death and resurrection of Christ. For instance, in the Edenic Covenant, Adam and Eve are given the entire garden with the exception of the one tree. However, Eve disobeyed and then also Adam. After this, in the Adamic Covenant, women would experience pain in childbirth and man would have to work for food among other things. Also, the proto evangelium or “first gospel” 6 in Genesis 3:15 was uttered promising a seed to restore the Edenic Covenant.
The Noahic Covenant is a covenant that God made with Noah and his descendents. According to a website, “According to the conditions of this covenant, G-d promised never to flood the earth again the rainbow [sic](Gen. 9:11-15). The nations/Gentiles were given animal life as food(Gen. 9:2-3); forbidden to eat blood or flesh from a living animal (Gen. 9:4); forbidden to murder(Gen. 9:5-6); required to administer justice in accordance with G-d's Law (Gen. 9:5-6);and required to procreate(Gen 9:1, 7).”7
The terms of the Abrahamic Covenant are found in Genesis 17:1-27. The same website says, “This covenant is an ‘everlasting covenant’ (Gen.17:7,13,19), is for all generations of Jews(Gen.17:7, 9,13,19) and is not nullified by later covenants (Gal.3:15-17). According to the conditions of this covenant; every male must be circumcised on the eighth day (Gen.17:10-14); G-d would make a multitude of nations from Abraham (Gen.17:4-6); G-d would have a special relationship with Israel (Gen.17:7-8); and G-d would give Israel the Land of Canaan (Gen.17:8).”8
The Mosaic Covenant (or Covenants, depending on how it is viewed) was given in two stages. The first was at Mt. Sinai and the second was in Moab. This covenant is what we would call “the law” and its conditions can be found in the Torah. In the Davidic Covenant, the throne of David is promised to endure forever. As you can see, each covenant builds upon the one before it and all are rich with messianic overtones. In particular, the Abrahamic covenant is unique because God promises posterity, land, and a blessing for the nations. Not only this, but the writer of Hebrews and Paul, in his epistles to the Galatians and to the Romans, explained that believers were the seed of Abraham.6 Because of the way this is viewed by covenant theology, there is only one people of God. The saints of the Old Testament and the Saints of the New Testament are both the people of God. Thus, the Church is the spiritual Israel. However, the promise of land is not to be viewed as literal for Christians, but rather a symbol of a new country.10
Dispensationalism seems to ignore the genre of Jewish apocalyptic literature, particularly the level of symbolism used in the genre. There are passages that were possibly written sounding literal, but in actuality could be highly symbolic. To accept a literal interpretation as “normal” unless there is no evidence to suggest otherwise seems to be quite an assumption. On many passages that dispensationalists interpret as normal, there is compelling evidence to show otherwise. However, in some instances, dispensationalists do seem to accept symbolism in some areas, such as the seven churches in the book of Revelation, but are often dogmatic on the symbolism, an inconsistency of their position. On the other hand, covenant theology allows for the unknown and is even comfortable with it on many points. This seems to be a much more consistent position and bases its conclusions on the grace of God rather than simply periods of time.
Dispensationalism also seem to offer a sort-of delayed materialism regarding literal riches in heaven. This also leads to belief of the delay of the kingdom of God, pushing it into the literal thousand-year millennium in the future instead of the present time. Covenant theology does not divide time like this and accepts that the kingdom of God is unfolding here and now and will unfold to a greater extent in the coming new heaven and new earth.
In order to fully understand the genre of prophetic and apocalyptic literature and thus come to a proper eschatological conclusion, you must take into account both the Old and the New Testament as well as some apocryphal and pseudopigryphal works. For instance, “the day of the Lord” or “the day of Yahweh” is often referred to in many of these books. It does not always refer to simply apocalyptic events, but rather contains both a near future and a far future meaning. This is called a double entendre. The near future interpretation is often the judgment on unfaithful Israel by the exile, but it probably also refers to a universal cataclysmic judgment on the world by disintegration of the universe, the salvation of God’s people, the victory of God’s armies, and universal peace. In addition, the terms “in days to come,” “in the last days,” and “in that day” are fluid and in Hebrew semantics includes both the near and the far or indeterminate future.
One of the most debated books of the Old Testament is the book of Daniel. There are three views of the book of Daniel. The first is the Maccabean view. This view is held by scholars of a more liberal persuasion. In this view, the book of Daniel was written prior to the Maccabean revolt in the second century B.C. in order to spur on the revolt. The four metals that are in Daniel 2 represent the divided kingdom of Alexander the Great between the Ptolemies and the Selucids. The “little horn” is Antiquis Epiphenes. The seventy weeks of Daniel begin with the first seven weeks beginning at fall of Jerusalem in 587 B.C. The next 62 weeks, which the Maccabeans accept as a symbol of length, begins in 538 B.C. when Cyrus of Persia issues an edict to restore Jerusalem. The final week begins in 171 B.C. with the execution of Onias the High Priest climaxing in the great sacrilege of Antiochus Epiphanes erecting a statue to Zeus in the temple and culminating in the Maccabean revolt in 164 B.C.
Dispensationalists hold to a different view that there is a fifth metal or kingdom, that of a revitalized Roman empire of the future, the government of the antichrist who is the ”little horn.” The ten kings of Daniel 7 are the confederation of ten kingdoms that constituted this government. The first seven weeks begin in 445 B.C. at the edict from Artexerxes. The next 62 weeks begin at the completion of Jerusalem and go until the beginning of Jesus ministry. Then there is a mystery period until the last week which is the literal seven-year tribulation followed by a literal thousand year reign of Christ.11
The classical view, the view that I hold to, is that the book of Daniel was written around 500 B.C. The ten horns are the ten Roman Caesars from Julius to Titus. The little horn is Vespacian, who won the ceasarship over the other three “Caesars.” The Iron/Clay is the spiritual kingdom of Christ and the silver is that of Medo-Persia. The Bronze is Greece and Iron represents Rome. Daniel’s 70 weeks began in the 400’s B.C. at the rebuilding of the temple and Jerusalem. 12
Using this historical background while moving into the New Testament, one could better understand how the New Testament passages are translated. For instance, another controversial passage regarding the end times is the Olivet Discourse found in Matthew 24 and 25, Mark 13, and Luke 12. The passage begins by the disciples pointing out the temple buildings to Jesus. Jesus then said to them, “"I tell you the truth, not one stone here will be left on another; every one will be thrown down."13 The disciples then came to Jesus privately and asked him about what he said. “’Tell us,’ they said, ‘when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?’"14 It is very interesting to note that the disciples asked two questions. The first was when would “this” happen. The second was what would be the sign of the coming age. I believe that the “this” that the disciples are referring to is the moment of time when not one stone will be left on another which is referring to the destruction of the temple. This happened in A.D. 70 when Titus destroyed the temple while crushing a Jewish revolt.
Right in the middle of chapter 24, there is a dramatic shift from what seems like a soon-coming event to apocalyptic language. I believe that this is when Jesus switched from talking about the destruction of the temple to the end of the age. There is also a strong possibility that Jesus could have been using a double entendre.
Of course, the crux of New Testament Eschatology seems to be centered on the book of Revelation or the Apocalypse of John. In addition to be being part of the biblical canon and thus the inspired Word of God, the book of Revelation is a literary masterpiece. Its images and symbols have stumped theologians going on two thousand years and its theological depth has yet to be brought to full fruition. Seeing that eschatological language is highly symbolic, I believe that the book of Revelation should be taken that way. After reviewing many points of view that this book could be taken, and there are many, I believe that the best way to interpret the book of Revelation is as a progressive parallelism. This is opposed to the popular American form of dispensationalism. By definition, this is the “viewpoint that interprets the Revelation of John as the same story repeated 7 times, each with symbols.”15 This “same story” begins in the New Testament era and does not end until Christ’s return. Theologian William Hendriksen is one of the largest proponents of this view of Revelation. The seven divisions are shown in the following chart:
Progressive Parallelism
(Amillennial Approach to Revelation)

Chapters 1-3 Vision of Seven Churches
Chapters 4-7 Vision of the redeemed and the seven seals
Chapters 8-11 Vision of 7 trumpets and 2 witnesses
Chapters 12-14 Vision of the woman, the dragon, the beast and the lamb
Chapters 15-16 Vision of 7 plagues
Chapters 17-19 Vision of Babylon
Chapters 20-22 Vision of the Holy City

This is the basic amillennial approach to the book of Revelation. The term “amillennial” means literally “no millennium,” but this perception is not actually true. Because of the progressive parallelism approach, chapter 20 would begin at the beginning of the New Testament era. This would mean that we are currently in the millennium. The only place the millennium is mentioned in the entire Bible is in Revelation 20:1-3. It reads:
1And I saw an angel coming down out of heaven, having the key to the Abyss and holding in his hand a great chain. 2He seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil, or Satan, and bound him for a thousand years. 3He threw him into the Abyss, and locked and sealed it over him, to keep him from deceiving the nations anymore until the thousand years were ended. After that, he must be set free for a short time.

Notice in this passage that Satan is bound, but nowhere in the passage does it say he is powerless. The inevitable question arises about the word “bound..” It also mentions in verse three the words “locked” and “sealed.” If Satan is not powerless, why use these specific words? As mentioned before, amillenialists do not accept an entirely literal view of Scripture. They would say that this is a symbolic view of the power of Satan in the church era. However, the Greek would suggest that not only could the word mean “to bind,” but also “to forbid, prohibit, declare to be illicit.”16 In other words, rather than being physically bound, Satan could be simply forbidden from deceiving the nations. Anthony Hoekema helps to put this in perspective as well as tell us about what is meant by deceiving the nations:
What is meant, then, by the binding of Satan? In Old Testament times, at least in the post-Abrahamic era, all the nations of the world except Israel were, so to speak, under Satan’s rule. At that time the people of Israel were the recipients of God’s special revelation, so that they knew God’s truth about themselves, about their sinfulness, and about the way they could obtain forgiveness and salvation. During this same time, however, the other nations of the world did not know that truth, and were therefore in ignorance and error (see Acts 17:30) — except for an occasional person, family or city which came into contact with God’s special revelation. One could say that during this time these nations were deceived by Satan, as our first parents had been deceived by Satan when they fell into sin in the Garden of Eden.17

According to Hoekema, that changed when Jesus issued the Great Commission at the end of Matthew 28. The Great Commission commands us to make disciples of all nations. Hoekema adds this thought:
At this point one can well imagine the disciples raising a disturbing question: How can we possibly do this if Satan continues to deceive the nations the way he has in the past? In Revelation 20:1-3 John gives a reassuring answer to this question. Paraphrased, his answer goes something like this: “During the gospel era which has now been ushered in, Satan will not be able to continue deceiving the nations the way he did in the past, for he has been bound. During this entire period, therefore, you, Christ’s disciples, will be able to preach the gospel and make disciples of all nations.”18

This has by no means been an exhaustive review of amillennial theology, but it is meant to offer a challenging alternative belief to popular dispensationalism. This has indeed been a challenging paper to write. In a very short time, I have watched as my theological views regarding eschatology have shifted to what I believe is a more consistent position. One cannot stress the importance of a consistent position. Indeed, what a person believes regarding dispensationalism and covenant theology will have a dramatic effect on what their beliefs are. One also remember that the Bible is filled with many genres or writing, prophetic and apocalyptic being only two. In order to treat the Word of God with the respect that it deserves, proper attention must be paid to the hermeneutic of each genre. Proper attention also must be paid to the historical context of the writing as well as the participants involved.
Most importantly, when disagreements occur, and they will, Christians must unite under the common ground that Jesus is coming back again. That is the most important eschatological truth.

My Autobiography
Part Ten--Michigan Part Two

In June of 1998, I packed up everything that I owned in my 1991 Honda Civic along with the $250 that I could scrape up and moved to Michigan. The first week was a blur. I helped my friend Steve get ready for his wedding. The day he got married, I pulled him aside. “Steve,” I said, “I know you’re getting married today, but I do not have a place to live yet. What do you suggest I do?” Steve reached into his pocket and gave me his apartment keys. “You have two weeks in my place. Don’t be there when I get back.”

On the Monday after the wedding, I drove over to Tyndale. There was no one for me to see at the time and I was told to try again the next day. I went and applied for several jobs that day. The next day, I went back to Tyndale and I was told that since I had special circumstances, that I may live in the dorm for the summer provided that I paid rent. The next day, I was offered a job with Things Remembered. Within three days, God provided for me a job and a place to live! Thank you, Lord!

I just posted a link on the left toolbar to a post I recieved in another web group on Trinitarianism. You can link to it there or for those of you recieving this by email, you may go to www.trinitypage.blogspot.com .

Dave M.

My Autobiography
Part Nine--Growth and Discipleship

Although spiritually, I had got right with God, I still dealt with a mistrust of Him and the church. But I did go on Sunday mornings. Once, I accidentally set my clock ahead an hour while setting my alarm for church. I arrived the next morning an hour early for church, so I went to Sunday School. There, I met a guy named Dan Starcher, who for the next year and a half would disciple me, almost unknowingly. I got a job working at a hosiery mill and vowed that I would not leave North Carolina again until I heard the voice of God. I grew slowly, but steadily. I would take heavy theological problems to Dan and he would help me sort them out. There grew inside of me a love for God and a love for the Bible.
Toward the end of 1997, I almost made the decision to move back to Michigan and go back to school, but at the last moment, I decided not to go. Then in April of 1998, I was kicked out of my house. There had been a long feud between me and my stepfather and it finally boiled over one morning and I was told to be out by the end of the week. I had nowhere to go, but I did not wait until the end of the week. I took the day off work and left that day. I moved into a motel that cost $90 a week. The most amazing thing to me was, although I hated the circumstances, I was completely at peace and resigned to the fact that God was working and doing something in my life. But the stress did mount up.
In May, just a month later, there was an altercation between a co-worker and me. I lost my temper and lunged at a co-worker, being held back only by another co-worker. I completely ruined my testimony and sinned. I was fired that day, but when I came back later to pick up my check, I apologized to all my co-workers and my bosses. I called my friend Steve that night who happened to be getting married in June. I told him what happened and he said, “Ready to come back to Michigan, yet?” After praying about it, I felt that it was time. When I told Dan about it, I said, “I know that God does not use sin to work in someone’s life, but I do know that he worked through it to bring it for good.” Dan replied, “Yes! You were listening to me!” I have often wondered why God did not have me leave under better circumstances and the only thing that I could think of is that my move to Michigan in June required a much greater step of faith than it would have six months earlier.

My Autobiography
Part Eight-My Year of Hell

Things went well for me in Michigan the first few months. But in a matter of three weeks, my car had broken down, my money had dried up, and I had nowhere to go. In January 1996, I packed up my bags again, tucked my tail between my legs and moved back to North Carolina. I was angry, oh so angry. My mom found me crying in my bedroom and asked me what was wrong. I told her, “I don’t understand why God let me down.” I thought God had let me down and I lived that way for an entire year. I went back to smoking, drinking heavily, and was promiscuous. I was miserable. There is nothing more miserable than a Christian out of God’s will. I was searching for God, pretending like He wasn’t there, and searching even more. There were several times when God was there and trying to reveal Him. After eight jobs in nine months, I decided I needed a change. I did the dumbest thing I could have done. I joined the Army.
My reasoning was that I needed money for school and I needed stability. Well, I got one of those at least. I was met head on with one of my biggest fears: authority. To watch a drill sergeant scream at someone is one thing. To have him in your face screaming at you is quite another. You smell his breath and you feel so much fear. It only took one day for me to figure out that I was in hell.
I was stationed at Fort Benning, Georgia for basic training. It lasted thirteen weeks and it began in mid-August. Mid-August in Georgia is unbearably hot. I lot about fifteen pounds in the first two weeks I was there. To say that I did not make the best soldier is quite an understatement. I was horrible. I did manage to pass my physical tests, but mentally, I was near the brink. After hiking a long distance, I complained to the drill sergeant that I was experiencing a great amount of foot pain. It turns out, I had a stress fracture under the fourth toe of my left foot. A few weeks later, after recovering from that, I hyper extended a tendon in my left knee. I tried to make it physically, but I just could not. After falling out of my final fifteen-mile road march, I was told by the drill sergeant that I was going to be ELS’d. ELS stood for Entry Level Separation. They could do that under the circumstances of failure to soldeirize. I was told that I could wait three weeks to get examined by a doctor to see if I was eligible for any benefits or I could be gone in three days. I chose the latter and now I wish I had not. Every time my knee or my foot aches, it reminds me of whose I am.
My last night there, I grabbed my Bible and went out to the barrack steps to pray. I don’t remember what I read, I just remember that I prayed tearfully to God that He would take my back into His will. I returned once again to North Carolina in December 1996.

My Autobiography
Part Seven--Michigan Part One

I was unable to return to Liberty for a second semester due to financial reasons. I moved back to North Carolina and got a job in a factory. But I was very restless and I felt like I didn’t belong there. I began to pray and ask my friend Steve to pray with me and for me. A few months later, Steve had an idea. He wanted me to move to Michigan, stay with him and his parents for a while and then get an apartment with him. He knew of a school called William Tyndale College that I could attend. I thought it was a great idea and moved to Plymouth, Michigan in June of 1995.
Michigan was a cultural shock to me. First of all, it was cold. I didn’t really like that at all. Secondly, I discovered that northern Christians approached things very differently and much more progressively than southern Christians. But I thrived and I began to grow quite fast spiritually. I remember one particular evening praying in my room to the Jars of Clay song, “Worlds Apart.” I really wanted God to “take my world apart” and little did I know, He was about to.
In October of 1995, my Mom had remarried to a man that I did not particularly care for at all. We did not get along and frankly, I thought my mom could do better. I resigned myself to accepting him because my mother said she loved him, but it did not make me happy.

My Autobiography
Part Six--Salvation

A few days later, I hopped in my car and drove up Candler’s Mountain Road to smoke a cigarette. I had smoked off and on since I was fourteen. My mom had sent me a tape of an evangelist that had spoke at our church a few weeks ago. His name was Bailey Smith. As I listened to him speak, I finished my cigarette and I began to drive back onto the campus. As I parked my car, holy conviction fell upon me and I began to cry. The evangelist began to talk about hell and for a split second I forgot everything that I had been taught concerning salvation. For the first time in my life, I realized that I did not have what my friends had. They were living their lives for something other than the letter of the law. They were living their lives for something other than pride and they backed up what they lived. I realized that I was a sinner bound for hell and there was absolutely nothing that I could do to save myself and I listened as Bailey Smith told me the plan of salvation. I cried even harder and I prayed the sinner’s prayer. I cannot describe the after effects. Yes, I felt free, but it was so much more than that.
I instantly ran into the dorms and called Rachel and told her to meet me outside of her dorm. When I met her, I told her what had happened and she rejoiced with me. I went to the campus pastor’s office, but it had already closed for the day, but I was there the first thing the next morning. The night that I got saved, I told Ben, the SLD, and Clint. Ben was so excited he began to run up and down the halls screaming, “Praise the Lord!” and knocking on doors. The next day, at the campus pastor’s office, I was given a book called “The Survival Kit for New Christians” and I began to read about all the basics of Christianity, things that I had heard many times before, but now relearned and applied. I look back now and it seemed so hard, but it was so necessary.

My Autobiography
Part Five--Liberty

That summer I worked as a YMCA camp counselor. One afternoon, after I had got home from work, my mom questioned me about what I was going to do in the fall. “Attend Harvard By the Highway I guess,” I said. That was what we called the local community college. A few days later, I received a letter in the mail. Even though I had never applied before, I was granted a half-scholarship to Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. This is the school that Jerry Falwell is the chancellor of. I found out later that the school had taken a financial hit due to its involvement in the Jim Bakker’s PTL scandal. They were handing out scholarships like candy. I made a quick decision and decided to go. I decided my major would be Communications with an emphasis in Radio Broadcasting. I had always wanted to be a disc jockey.
In August of 1994, I arrived in Lynchburg, Virginia on the campus of Liberty University. I soon met my roommate. His name was Paul and he was from the Bahamas. Paul and I soon discovered that there had been a mistake made with our room selection. We were put in a room with two Spiritual Life Directors or SLD’s. SLD’s were the dorm pastors. They were to pray for the dorm and all it’s occupants and assist with any spiritual issues that the students may have. Because of this, they weren’t supposed to have anybody else room with them. Paul and I were told to wait until things died down with housing in a week or so and then go see the Resident Director and we would get our new room assignments. One night, as I was studying, I heard Ben and Jim, the SLD’s praying around the bunk around me. I heard them pray for many things and they called several students name out aloud in prayer. Something stuck me profoundly with the way they were praying. It was not the pompous prayers of legalism, hypocrisy and pride that I had heard before. They were praying boldly, yet with humility. They prayed so intimately, like they were talking to their best friend.
I quickly make friends with some of the guys. Among those guys was Steve Sparks who was from the suburbs of Detroit. Clint Fortune was from Miami. Chris Gurgen was from Baton Rouge. Ben, the SLD, was family with Clint. Jim, the other SLD was from Philadelphia. I begin to hang out with these guys on a regular basis. With college came women. I started to date a girl named Allison. That ended rather abruptly when I realized that the girl was mentally unstable. No lie. In my pain, a girl named Rachel comforted me. We soon began to go out. That also ended rather abruptly when she decided that she wanted to be with her ex-boyfriend again. One night, shortly after we had broken up, we were talking on the phone. We had remained friends after our break-up. I was venting to Rachel about some of the things I had been going through. I had recognized the cycle of rebellion in my life and I had begun to see the godly living in some of the guys I hung out with and I began to realize that I just didn’t seem to fit. They seemed to have something that I did not. I told Rachel, “I feel like I’m beating my head against a wall, like I can only go so far.”

My Autobiography
Part Four--High School

Around ninth grade, all hell broke loose. It seemed that the restraints that had held me down for so long were broken. I was a full-blown rebel according to my school and around the same time, the pastor at my church resigned. The church had long been going downhill, but the pastor’s son was a good friend of mine and I did not want to leave. But when the pastor resigned and took a church in Greensboro, the reason not to leave was removed and I told my mom that I was ready to look for another church. My mom agreed and our search began. Retrospect is 20/20 and as I look back I realize that at that time, I realized that there was a genuine holiness out there somewhere. I knew that my school did not have it and that is why I did everything I could to destroy it. I even became passionate about it. I knew that my church did not have it and I wanted to find it somewhere. After a brief search, we landed at Tri-City Baptist Church, a then one-year old church that had began with 42 members and had jumped to 200 in just over a year. I sat under passionate, evangelistic preaching and it seemed to meet my need for holiness, or at least, what I thought was holiness.
Tenth grade brought with it a lot of changes at my school including a new pastor for the church and a new principal for the school. His name was Mr. Hicks and I did not like him and he, apparently, did not like me. During one incident during the school year, after I showed a lack of respect for a teacher, he suspended me for a day. My rebellion against my school grew and I continued my strange dichotomy of my life: attempted holiness at church and constant rebel against everything at school. It was also about this time that I got drunk for the first time. It was in the back of van with a few friends. I was only fifteen and it only took three beers.
In eleventh grade, the peak of my high school rebellion hit. I did not care about anything or anyone. Even my pseudo-holiness at church slipped and I became a genuine concern to my mother. After racking up 200 demerits at school during the last two months, Mr. Hicks called me to a conference and my mother was there. I was told that I was not going to be expelled that year, but I was not going to be allowed to attend my school for my senior year. I was somewhat upset by this, but it just meant to me at that time that I would no longer have to pretend to be something I wasn’t. I hated that school. That summer, I partied hard. I drank a lot and on my eighteenth birthday, I tried marijuana for the first and only time in my life. Ironically, I met a girl at church and we began to date. She was very experienced sexually despite her age and that summer I lost my virginity. I always thought that the term “lost my virginity” was wrong. I didn’t lose it. I willfully gave it up.
The partying caught up to me and the guilt began to set in. I knew that my mother did not know about my heavy drinking and partying, but she suspected something. My girlfriend and I broke up. School began my senior year and I went to a public high school for the first time in my life. Horribly, the day before, my ex-girlfriend had told me that she thought she was pregnant and she was going to the doctor on my first day of public high school. The whole day was overwhelming. Thankfully, the pregnancy scare was just that, only a scare and life at my public high school continued woefully. To put it mildly, I hated it. Here I was, a senior, and I knew no one in the school save but a few. I had the prep thing going on from my old school, but I was a grunge-puppy too. I was hurt one time when a guy in my drama class called me a “preppy granola.” I was upset and the cycle kicked in again. At a tent revival, I got “saved” again. I formally asked my school to take me back and after appearing before a discipline committee, I was granted the ok. After only four weeks at a public high school, I returned to my Christian school. It wasn’t long before the rebellion began again. I graduated June 3, 1994 by the skin of my teeth.

My Autobiography
Part Three--The School

In order to explain anything else further, let me back up about five years. In 1981, my parents enrolled me in Tabernacle Christian School in Hickory, North Carolina. Tabernacle was also sponsored by a Baptist church, but not a Southern Baptist church. Tabernacle was “independent, fundamental, Bible-believing,” and although they did not mention it on their sign, legalistic. I was sent home one time with a note on my Dukes of Hazzard coloring book explaining to my parents that this show does not represent the values of the school as they promote sex and rebellion against authority. Rebellion was always a big sin with them. Since they were legalistic, they viewed anybody that strayed outside the ideals of their church as rebels. Thus, at the young age of five, my parents, and I was considered rebels. We were part of the “liberal Southern Baptists” and were not considered holy enough. I lived with this strange dichotomy almost my entire childhood. I had one set of values presented to me at home and another presented to me at school. Both were “Christian.” But they seemed to stand at polar ends of each other. It was about the same time that I made my first profession in the Christian faith. I was only five years old and I had a friend who was going to be baptized and I wanted to be too. I know that the pastor of my church talked with me and we prayed the sinner’s prayer, but that was all that I remember.
Shortly after my father died, I made a second profession of faith. I remember that a person came to our school and showed a rather large picture of a fetus that had been disfigured because the mother has smoked marijuana. I was scared, I had just lost my father and I was grappling at anything. I was “saved” again.
I must pause here and explain something. Most Baptists do not believe you can “lose” your salvation. They believe that if you make a second profession of faith, you were not saved to begin with. It is one of the problems that I perceived in the Baptist church that took the more “Calviminian” approach to Christianity. Another aspect of this is the emphasis on emotion. Decisions regarding issues of religion should never be made strictly on the basis of emotions. In other words, to feel like you need Christ is not enough. You need to be able to understand that there is a need there and that Christ is the only One that can fill that need. This has nothing to do with your emotions. With that being said, there is, granted, a strong emotional component to weighty decisions like this, but if the decision is made strictly out of an emotional response, then there is much smaller chance that the decision is genuine. Emotion played a large role in another profession of faith that I made in the eighth grade. I was at a Christian camp with my school and I made an extremely emotional response. When I look back on it, I can recognize it as genuine guilt. Right after my father’s death, the lack of a father figure in my life began to rear its ugly head. I was beginning to assert myself and ask questions. Many of them were about the lack of consistency and the lack of love I saw from my school. At the same time, I saw a lack of holiness in my church. Of course, not all of these thoughts were conscious. But I did begin to wonder if the faith of my father was one of hypocrisy or one of legalism.

My Autobiography
Part Two--The Death of My Father

I grew up in a semi-strict Baptist home. My father was a hardcore Southern Baptist and even some interim pastoral work whenever the opportunity presented itself. The ironic thing was that father was also an alcoholic, which my mother almost left him over in the early 80’s. Luckily, my father went to a Southern Baptist retreat center and dealt with his problem and it saved his marriage. But my father continued to have health problems. He suffered a heart attack in 1983 and from then on he seemed to have one problem after another. On September 18, 1986, he was rushed to the hospital with yet another heart attack. The doctors determined that my father needed a pacemaker and performed an emergency surgery. But my father’s heart was already too far-gone and the pacemaker would not help. The next day, one of my mom’s friends came to pick me up at school. I was in fifth grade. We drove to my home and I noticed a white wreath hanging on the outside of my bedroom window. I told my mom’s friend, “That’s a pretty wreath.” I had an idea then of what had happened. My suspicion was confirmed when I saw the chairs. I do not know why there is only one type of chair used by funeral homes. And I do not know why that is the only place that I have ever seen them used. I believe the chairs were green and they were plastic. I knew then. I walked in and I saw my mother being comforted by two women from our church. She was sitting in the middle of the couch and the ladies were on either side of her. “What is it, Mama?” I asked. “Your Daddy. I’m afraid he’s gone.”
“No!” I screamed. I collapsed in my mother’s arms and she cradled me. I remember specifically reaching around and pinching myself. I had heard that that was what you do when you thought you were dreaming and it would wake you up. I felt pain and I did not wake up. I was not dreaming. My Dad was dead.
They buried my Dad on September 21, 1986, the same day as my church’s Homecoming. If you are not familiar with what a Homecoming is, allow me to explain. It was considered the church’s anniversary. Every year a church would have one and they would consist of Sunday school, Worship, “dinner on the grounds,” (what Yankees call a potluck), and a special afternoon service, which usually consists of a singing group, more specifically a Southern Gospel group. It was one of my dad’s favorite days so maybe it was appropriate.

My Autobiography
Part One--Background

July 2, 1976. Hickory, North Carolina. Catawba Memorial Hospital. I was born.
I was born to a Vernon Wayne McDowell, originally of Spartanburg, South Carolina. He was born on November 4, 1927. I know very little of his life other than he was a member of the National Guard. He somehow ended up in Charlotte, North Carolina where he was a bus driver. He was married twice. The first one was for several years and resulted in two children. The second lasted only a few months and was annulled. He moved to Hickory and met my mother at Temple Baptist Church in Hickory, North Carolina.
My mother was born on March 3, 1947 in North Tazewell, Virginia, and a small town half an hour south of Bluefield, West Virginia. She was born Betty Jeanne Witten. Her father’s name was John Edward and her mother was Maude Viola. My grandmother’s maiden name was Byrd. My mother had three brothers. Carl, Jim, and Bill. Carl became a truck driver and married a girl named Martha and they reside in Martinsville, Virginia. They have two kids, Sherrie and Melissa. Both children married and divorced. Melissa remarried and has two kids. Jim married Brenda and became a pastor in the Church of God denomination. The last time I heard, they lived in Richmond, Virginia. They have two kids, Sam and Olivia. Sam is now married and resides in Yadkinville, North Carolina. Bill never married and has struggled off and on with a drinking problem. He still resides in North Tazewell.
My parents were married on November 16, 1973. Three years later, out comes their little bundle of joy, their only bundle of joy. I was born David Gordon McDowell.

I sat in my church’s First Sunday worship service last night, a service geared for believers. It is a quiet contemplative time of worship usually followed by communion. I heard a friend of mine talk about mountains and valleys. He said that you often hear that life is good on top of the mountain and that life is bad at the bottom of the valley. But sometimes the trip down is pretty sweet too.
I had a trip down the mountain this week. I had to take my wife to the emergency room late Wednesday night. It turns out that she had pancreitis brought on by a drug that she had been taking for colitis. Even worse, the only other drug option for her, according to the doctor, is a drug used for cancer patients. It would not allow her to have children.
I was thinking of a verse on Thursday morning that throughout my life has been a comfort to me. It’s James 1:2-3. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” The book of James was written to a group of Christians known as the diaspora, Christians that had been scattered or dispersed into various reasons because of persecution. In the midst of that, James was saying, “Consider it joy…” What? How could they consider persecution and martyrdom joy?
Contrary to heretics who teach prosperity theology, God does not exist to grant our cosmic Christmas list. He created us for his glory. How do I glorify God? I think it is through obedience which springs from faith. I must have faith that God is doing this or allowing this to be done in order to further my faith. Indeed, this past week, I do not believe I have ever felt closer to Him. In that testing, I develop perseverance.
The Christian walk is a series of steps of faith. Throughout my life I have made many and have recoiled from others. The next few posts will be a paper I wrote for a class last year. It is my testimony. It is quite long, I must warn you. But I think the glimpse of where I’m at with God is evident. God bless.